Sunday, January 08, 2006

Madame Governor Comes Down the Chimney

This is a parody. The author absolves herself of any legal liability from the hilarity that may ensue.

‘Twas the night before the primary and all through the state, all the gubernatorial candidates were stirring. They were up very late. At the dairy farm headquarters, looking up from his milk, Herr Oberweis was thinking. “Illegal immigrants in Chicago! In Aurora! All over the state! This, my friend, we just cannot tolerate.” To Joe Wiegand he turned, his loyal cm, and to him he said, “Drivers’ licenses! Healthcare! this can’t be our fate."

Just miles away, Judy Baar, too, was working. “The pensions! The pensions!” she cried. “We can’t keep shirking!” And, so, she sat down at her desk and she drew up a plan. A plan that would cover the retirements of every woman and man. And the state budget, she’d balance that, too! There’s nothing that this lady can’t do!

Gidwitz, poor guy, had a scowl on his face. All the cosmetics in the world can’t win a losing race. To his running mate he turned and said “Stevie, whatever shall I do. I can’t talk smartly about the budget like you.” To him, Rauschy nodded in reply. “Of course, not Ron. But the state’s debt is so high it could fly.” “I know,” said Giddy, “just exactly what we’ll do. I can talk about jobs-I’ve made more than a few.”

And, back at the Topinka office, the reindeer flew into view. “To the mansion!” said she, “Oh, take us there fast.” And Prancer, and Dancer, and Vixen, too, made sure that Blagojevich’s night there would soon be his last.

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